Earlier this evening I popped onto Misty Mawn’s site to see her self-portrait for the day. Her painting was beautiful and so touching with the sketched face to the side of the main image, but what really got me were the words she had written next to these images: a glimpse of the things she loves and her big dreams. I thought maybe she had been inspired to write her big dreams, as I had, by Teesha Moore’s Artfest update email. I wrote some of my big dreams here, but not as boldly as Misty did, as if I were too afraid to show them to anyone, even to myself.
Scrolling down a bit on her post, I noticed her list of spotlighted journals for the day, and was shocked to see my name listed there. Misty, you have no idea what this encouragement is doing for me, and undoing for me. I’ll tell in a moment, but just know that this is monumental for me, and my heart is filled with gratitude.
I clicked on another spotlighted artist. Her name is Joanne and you can see her lovely self-portrait here. She wrote about how she was hesitant to do a self-portrait, believing that she couldn’t draw. How familiar those words were to me. I was always “artsy,” but knew that I wasn’t very good at drawing. An experience at UCLA confirmed all my insecurities about this lack of artistic ability. A certain art professor who was a very good draughtsman taught one of my early drawing classes. Well, he didn’t actually teach it – a very kind and compassionate GTF taught the class – the professor only came in for critiques. For one assignment we had to choose something out in the sculpture garden to draw. The nature child in me chose to draw a tree with intricate bark. I struggled with the drawing the whole way, frustrated that I couldn’t communicate the beauty I saw with my eyes through the pencil in my hand. At the critique I felt embarrassed to put the drawing on the board. Mr. Professor came in and literally scoffed at my drawing in front of everyone. I wanted to shrivel up and die. Although I’ve had many wonderful teachers since then, I am only now in the past year beginning to get over that little trauma in my life.
This is why I feel such gratitude for Misty – her encouragement is giving me faith. She is an amazing teacher – one who truly inspires.
Scrolling down a bit on her post, I noticed her list of spotlighted journals for the day, and was shocked to see my name listed there. Misty, you have no idea what this encouragement is doing for me, and undoing for me. I’ll tell in a moment, but just know that this is monumental for me, and my heart is filled with gratitude.
I clicked on another spotlighted artist. Her name is Joanne and you can see her lovely self-portrait here. She wrote about how she was hesitant to do a self-portrait, believing that she couldn’t draw. How familiar those words were to me. I was always “artsy,” but knew that I wasn’t very good at drawing. An experience at UCLA confirmed all my insecurities about this lack of artistic ability. A certain art professor who was a very good draughtsman taught one of my early drawing classes. Well, he didn’t actually teach it – a very kind and compassionate GTF taught the class – the professor only came in for critiques. For one assignment we had to choose something out in the sculpture garden to draw. The nature child in me chose to draw a tree with intricate bark. I struggled with the drawing the whole way, frustrated that I couldn’t communicate the beauty I saw with my eyes through the pencil in my hand. At the critique I felt embarrassed to put the drawing on the board. Mr. Professor came in and literally scoffed at my drawing in front of everyone. I wanted to shrivel up and die. Although I’ve had many wonderful teachers since then, I am only now in the past year beginning to get over that little trauma in my life.
This is why I feel such gratitude for Misty – her encouragement is giving me faith. She is an amazing teacher – one who truly inspires.
2 comments:
your paintings are stunning...i am left speechless at how beautifully your heart flows in your creations...so incredibly lovely...
it is amazing how these experiences with teachers or anyone really can have such a devastating impact...when the heart is judged it is deeply wounded...i am so happy to hear you are beginning to feel healing...
i am grateful you joined in with Misty and clicked through to say hello to me and offer your words of encouragement...mostly because it led me to click through and find your beautiful artwork..your lovely words...and most importantly to experience your open heart...
thank you for sharing your heart...
i came by your blog via misty's.
i just wanted to tell you how much i'm admiring your self portraits... incredible!!!
thank you for sharing them.
~lela
Post a Comment